Every solid relationship is built on mutual understanding. I feel your concern. allison l (23) 04/05/2014 at 7:50 pm. So the kid knows no boundaries. Am I being impatient? We were fine until the truth came relevant. he only filed for the papers when he was down visiting. When Your Young Adult Son Wants to Sleep with His Girlfriend in Your House My wife and I talk to our son Scott about every two weeks. Honestly he must be wearing one of his sons diapers on his head, because his thoughts on this matter are seriously full of crap. I now live in Europe, and he comes to visit about 4 times a year, for a total of 3 months or so. I wanted him to make plans with me and let me know in advance about weekends but I was getting upset when he left things up in the air because of the kids plans/schedules. But I was quiet until the father pushed me with not showing his son where the cookies were and ignoring the son when he wanted me to tuck him in. That means not texting or calling him at all hours of the night, or when she knows hes with you. She thinks hes just coming over to see his baby, but every time hes here, he cheats on her. Because its his week. In the midst of this, our time is limited which on one hand is great as we are not rushing in. Ok, in a perfect world, he should use this opportunity to introduce the two of you since you've never met, right? my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. Bottling up your concerns would only make you act irrationally and seem insensitive to your partner. After all, you have those needs for a reason; you have them because they are important to you. I encourage women to get really clear about what they really want, and to be really present to their experience (rather than focused on or attached to a fantasy), so that they can make decisions that will lead them to long-term happiness and relationship success, not more pain. In order for him to honor his boundaries, he first needs to get really clear on what he wants (what are his boundaries) and overcome any fear or guilt that are inhibiting healthy relationships. Have casual talks about his kids and show all-around interest in them. Except for slaps on the wrist. This means that my boyfriend spends one evening a week with his daughter, as well as all day on Sundays. No matter how friendly you get with your boyfriends ex, Im sure you dont want to hear about their relationship. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how long you want to wait. I wrote an article on whether you should wait for him to finalize his divorce that you might find helpful. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't speak up when your partner is going overboard. Once youve set some boundaries, its important that you all stick to them. Im currently separated and just found out my husband is dating. I wasnt there for that transaction. What would not make it NOT worth it to you? If your boyfriend loves you and Im sure he does then hes going to want to make you happy. Related Reasons why its not healthy for your partner to speak to his baby mama all the time! This house isnt a going to be ours. So these two talk more than just their son. I dont know what the dynamic with his ex is going to be once they are separate, so I cant assess the situation yet. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. It Made me so emotional. So your boyfriend might be feeling some anger at the situation because hes feeling displaced by this new man in his ex-wifes life. Kindly leave a comment below if you liked this article and share it with others. Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. After the birth of my child, my husband and I split. This isnt always easy, especially if his baby mama wants to try and leverage her position as she does need to be a small part of his life. ), it's just that I don't think it is necessary for my boyfriend to EVER spend the night at his BABY MAMA's house. A few of the signs to look out for that might confirm or help deny this are: If youre seeing any of these signs then its a definite cause for concern and something you need to address with your boyfriend. Its sometimes not an easy choice. Which in turn is going to be better for his child, which is important. Want to avoid wasting your precious time? It's also understandable to a degree as when his ex wife left he needed a lot of support and help. "My boyfriend is free to come and go-as long as he doesn't spend the night," Whitney says. This young lady gives well-spoken tips and important warnings. Whose idea is it for him to stay over? As long as Im respected and not burned. I dont encourage women to stay in relationships that dont work for them. Search. Thank you for reaching out. And I guess they were ending when we met. Understand that your boyfriend's kid and the mama will always be part of his life. He still lives in the same house as his soon-to-be ex. Don't sleep on the summoning affects of a cry for girl talk. Whatever the issues are in your relationship, if you find yourself agonizing over questions like. So, if you are pretty sure you are ending up with him/her, it's a good way to get a picture of how life is going to be. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. When you get clear on what could be happening in your relationship (what needs arent being met) thats causing you to feel like youre second, its important to communicate your concerns. He tried to pin like I was a tyrant. Its teenageism. When boys play games or compete, they tend to bond more than when they don't. Gaming is not just a pastime for men; it's about succeeding against another person and winning the game, which helps to build trust between friends. Your parents most likely have your best interest at heart and they could have reasons they don't want you to go. He's defensive and always want to talk about the money he spends. About three-and-half years into a relationship, couples tend to stop going to bed at the same time. My boyfriend's mother is coming between us. So as Im trying to rationalize myself . Thank you so much! my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mamachris cornell vocal range the range place. He only sees her about once ever month or so. If you struggle with anxious attachment in your romantic relationships and you want to feel confident and secure so that you can have a deeply fulfilling committed relationship, I can help. My boyfriend lied to me about spending the night at his babymama's one night after cheating on me with her before. It's necessary to be open-minded, especially when it involves his baby and the mama. Having a chance to see if his treatment of you changes when she is around can go a long way in making sure they are just friends. This is a very important boundary to set if you want to avoid a lot of headaches and arguments! Basically, the biggest indicators of long-term relationship success are whether youre aligned in your vision, needs and relationship requirements. A husband-to-be has shared his disbelief after his fiance asked him to spend a night in a hotel with her mother. I'm not the jealous type and there is nothing I could have done anyway.. so.. and Is this Relationship Worth it? Not without a fight anyway. Therefore, after speaking to your partner about his persistent chats with his kids mother, be patient for him to adjust. Some people can manage the situation while others can't. Played with him. Image credits Photo by James Sutton on Unsplash. In conclusion, if your boyfriend is spending too much time talking to his baby mama, its important to have a talk with him about it. So she can use it as collateral. And because he is not yet divorced, he is probably not 100% available to meet some of those needs and relationship requirements because he is still working on dissolving his marriage, and divorce has its own timeline. Accepting Her Role. You need to think about the bigger picture and put yourself in his shoes. But heres the question to consider about impatience: Impatient according to whom? Exes can develop feelings again if they maintain constant communication. The difference between needs and relationship requirements are that needs are negotiable (there are different ways to meet a need), whereas relationship requirements are non-negotiable, theyre black and white. Has anyone gone through this? Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. It takes time to test your needs and requirements and to figure out whether someone is right for you long term. What I advocate is for women to be true to themselves and to choose relationships that are aligned with their long-term vision and relationships that allow them to get their needs and requirements met, because those elements are among the keys to relationship success. If he has to speak with his baby's mum more than usual for a period, you should be understanding. I even let so much go. This can be something as simple as some of his clothes to leaving larger items they bought together like a TV or computer. Talks like these will show your partner how invested you are in the relationship. Me and my loving boyfriend of 2 years have been living together for about 8 months. If needs go unmet in a relationship (for anyone in the relationship), resentment will build and undermine your sense of connection to each other. Ok well he can have her back Im 95% sure this is over. EMPLOYMENT '16-'19: Indiana University; . Because when I put my foot down he ignores me and lets me go nuts. But I hate waiting. My advice.. if you are not comfortable with that.. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. But its all in vain. It's no surprise my friend has also become incredibly successful herself. After he was an a$$ to me and the father didnt care to correct or address the child. I hope by setting some boundaries youre able to get yourself in a comfortable space where you are in the middle of your boyfriend, his ex, and their child. Many women find the man they think is the one and they drop everything to pursue . Because I would remark oh yea I know this attitude. I didn't mind cause I knew it was over.. maybe they slept together but hey.. Plus, you dont want to come across as controlling or like a crazy, jealous girlfriend, or that might push him to talk to her in secret which is even worse. This is a boundary that you need to set so that you dont feel like hes still got one foot in the door with his ex. This is a boundary that needs to be set for both the childs sake and yours. If yes, then as his girlfriend, you should do something about it. You can start by asking whether he needs to speak with his baby mama so often. And its his role as a parent to fulfill those needs. For example, it hurt me when or I felt. because framing it that way is less threatening and lessens the likelihood that other person will get defensive. I wasnt looking to over take any mom roll. But through healthy boundaries and the support of your boyfriend to make sure she respects them, its always possible. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. Nevertheless, believing in his standards and maintaining openness is key to building trust. Don't compete. If I can advise any one. all you can do is reiterate your feelings, you need to make sure nothing is happening between them first and once you are 100% sure all you can do is trust him! Your boyfriend wouldn't easily fess up about whether he is still in love with his baby mama or if he's just acting his part as her baby daddy. My partner is spending Christmas with his ex and kids. If you press it, you DESERVE to lose. She Shouldnt Be Texting or Calling Him at Inappropriate Times, 10. What would your boyfriend say to asking Baby Momma (or petitioning the court) for an additional day of visitation so that he can have it at his house instead of having to have it at hers? Open-Ended Questions To Ask A Girl (205 Open Ended Questions To Ask A Girl), How To Make A Girl Blush Over Text (101 Things To Say), How To Compliment A Girl Over Text (141 Ways), Qualities Of A Good Woman (29 Vital Qualities), How Often Should You Text A Girl To Keep Her Interested (25 Helpful Tips), Signs A Married Woman Wants You To Make A Move (23 Signs To Look For), How To Turn On A Woman With Words (155 Tips), 27 Obvious Signs A Woman Wants To Sleep With You, Reasons Why Pisces Man Loves Scorpio Woman (9 Interesting Reasons), If He Doesnt Introduce You To His Friends, What Does It Mean? If he doesnt make you feel like hes equal to his son or close enough. 2. Like who is she to meddle in our business. I said a silent prayer of thanks that I listened to my better angels and said yes to a date with my son. Its frustrating and painfulall the liesand people using other people. But, as Yvonne Kelly says in her Step-Dating Report at the Step and Blended Family Institute: a guilt-ridden bio parent may insist on meeting all of the wants or preferences of the child under the guise of meeting their needs, at the expense of meeting any of his/her own needs or the needs of the couple. That girl knows about me but does not like talking to me. I don't think this is normal at all, and I don't know anyone else that sleeps over at their child's mother's house. The term "mama's boy" is often used as slang to describe a man who has an unhealthy dependence on his mother well into adulthood when he is expected to be independent and self-reliant . Dating a Divorced Man Support says, [] I talk a bit about I language in the article When You feel Second to His Ex-Wife. Getting close will help alleviate your worries and prevent you from overthinking. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. I have just woken up in bed next to a man who isn't my husband. To stop being jealous, break up. It's necessary to trust the process before making a final decision. "It's foolish to think that finding your 'perfect. The best way to handle a situation involving a child's life and the mum's is to talk to your man about it. But she's just left home and he still won't stay. We provide resources that help you in your relationship, marriage, and dating life. 1. And tries brush it off. Bottling up your concerns would only make you act irrationally and seem insensitive to your partner. But it's not really his mother who's to blame . If youre being reasonable about this and he really is spending too much time talking to his baby mama and neglecting you, then it should open his eyes up and make him change.